drawing of model by emily weil

daily painting | medicine

I’ve been doing some reading on how to heal bruises: elevate, apply ice packs, rest, take an Advil (I’d add using Arnica cream). But how to apply ice to my sore heart? How to lift it, let it rest? Recently I realized I have tender contusions inside — not only from recent losses but also lingering sore spots from growing up with deeply wounded parents who had little ability to love.

As grief plows its furrows through me, it exposes bits of my psyche that need some loving attention (trying to think up a good fertilizer joke but not quite getting there). So I’m visualizing silly cartoons — my heart in a cast or immersed in an ice bath, Arnica injections, putting it on a soft pillow for a quiet nap.

The thing is, bruises heal. Sometimes inside-wounds need exposure to the light first, but I believe in our incredible, miraculous power to heal our hidden emotional wounds. My sore spots just need attention and loving care. So today I am fluffing up my pillows and finding peaceful places to apply the soothing balms. Maybe finding some yummy ice cream. I am a big believer in these possibilities and find this chapter in my life to be very hopeful, if currently painful. What a freakin’ adventure this is. I feel like a fierce explorer finding buried treasure. Indianette Jones, mebbe, though that description sounds chipper. I am not chipper. [This painting is of Alida, from the Models Guild Marathon last weekend; 20 min. pose]

7″ x 10″ pencil, water-soluble graphite on paper




daily painting | bob

I so enjoyed drawing and painting as a participant in the Bay Area Models Guild marathon Sunday; they hope by September to actually meet again in person (Zoom works great; I can paint in my kitchen). Short poses (a few mins), long poses (an hour or so); men and women in costume or without. I mostly had to force myself to put one foot in front of the other yesterday as grief shadows me with depression and lethargy. But it’s the way things are, and I stumble forward, grateful to be vertical. I drew bespectacled Bob with his glorious beard. Inky with her stunning crimson headpiece. Alida (short pose) with vibrant red drapes as a backdrop. So imaginative, the settings and getups and props (I missed Barbara, though, a seasoned model who has posed for decades). I do so love drawing and painting and am grateful to have these opportunities and to make space for my creative adventures. Puddles of watercolor pigments in my porcelain tray and big fat water-soluble graphite crayons for scribbling on paper. Messy and glorious. Very happy to lose myself in all of this. My secret world.

12″ x 10″ water-soluble graphite crayon, acrylic paint on paper