daily painting | page 9

Another page from my sketchbook project chronicling some of my early life and my spiritual stuff (I’d say “spiritual path” but it’s such a new age cliche even if it’s true; I’m bored to death with that language). The book is finished and is deeply personal and emotional — a loving thing to do for myself — to see and acknowledge a sad and lonely little 10 year old Emily who is a vital and sensitive and important part of my innards and I value her insights. This project is also stirring up all kinds of grief and memories (the texture of the cushions in our rumpus room as a kid!), and I believe that is in itself a healing process. The sketchbook also is about celebrating all the help I’ve gotten over the years, both seen and unseen; I do think I’ve had lots of help from The Divine, and the more my heart is open for magic to happen, the more I see the amazing gifts around me (like one day stopping in my tracks as I walked past our marina mailboxes — a hummingbird was lunching on the sweet nectar of nearby flowers; as it hovered in the sun its iridescent feathers dazzled and it cast a beautiful shadow).

I have designed my own personal belief system which works for me. Though I had an early adult life in the Christian church as a born-again, I think my current spiritual connections run deeper and are more satisfying and comforting and real. Every day I am helped and taught, and my challenge is to stay in that place of trust and not go into the rat-hole of loneliness & isolation, which is a childhood default place that feels safer. And is completely miserable. It’s my daily practice. Staying present.

8″ x 5″ watercolor, pen in in sketchbook